dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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