i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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