smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
