he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
