Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
