it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
