just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
