don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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