I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
