I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
