already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
