my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
