i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
