I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
