I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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