I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
