I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
