I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
