I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
