Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
