Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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