In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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