You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
