who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
