oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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