you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
