tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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