Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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