All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
