Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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