Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's just like the Real World with babies
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
