Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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