my sisters under your porch take her home
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
