After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
