Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
