So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
