so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
