I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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