You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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