I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
