she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
