Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
