I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
