i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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