i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
