Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
