It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
