I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
