Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
