Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Randomize
